I Don’t Know How To Do This but…

As I sat in my living watching an episode of “Super Soul Sunday”, Oprah speaks with author Paul Williams and Co-author Tracy Jackson, I found comfort in hearing these words from their book Gratitude & Trust...

“I don’t know how to do this but something inside me does”

Most days I feel I’m all over the place wondering where? what? or when? will I run right smack into what I’m meant to do the rest of my life. But I can’t and it won’t because it’s a process. And it takes time.

Truth is I don’t know how to do “THIS”:

Blogging

Entrepreneurial

Writing

Hair-styling

Coaching

Modeling

ETC…

However, I know I don’t want to play small. I want to be “GREAT” and I will continue to keep striving each day till I am. I know something inside me does!

 

 

Dear Hudson – July 27, 2017

Last night, after I put you to sleep, I scrolled through my phone and came across a letter I wrote in my notes back on January 2nd of this year, 2017.

It said…

“Dear Hudson, last night was going to be one of my memorable nights with you. Right before going to sleep, I messed around with you, taking your nose off and telling you it was going to be mine. The sound of your laughter is always happiness to me! I love making you laugh and I enjoy our moments together. At one point, you asked me to sing to you and I sung “You are my sunshine.” Then you asked me to tell u a story about pirates & mermaids. Together we created our own story about them.  It wasn’t fairytales but it was our story and I will take this memory with me forever. Before u fell asleep you grabbed my arm put it around you and said “mommy, I love you.” Tears of joy sprung, but also sadness occurred because one day you will not be this little boy anymore and selfishly I don’t want the innocent moments with you to ever go away!  I decided to start writing these moments down, so that I may share them with you when you get older. I love you my Beautiful Son 😘.”

Reading this note, brought me joy.  Especially because we just shared another memorable moment after I picked you up from camp.

Tuesday night before I went to bed, I made the decision I was going to pick you up from camp and we were both going to have a picnic at the park and spend some quality time together. 

I put together all things I knew you would want to have at the park:

  • YOUR CHOCOLATE MILK (lord knows that’s the first thing you ask me for when I pick you up) LOL!
  • Your toy guns
  • Your Ipad (I know “What?” Ipad at a park? Fortunately, you used it for like 5-10 minutes.) Ha-ha

Then I put together all things I know as a mom would want to have at the park:

  • A blanket, a chair, a sweater (weather had cooled off bit from the heat wave we had recently)
  • Some snacks, stuff to make peanut butter & jelly, cheese, yogurt, juice, water…you get the gist!

Damn I forgot the WINE…Grrrr. Oh Well!

Wednesday’s is our day back together from daddy’s. Most of the time when I pick you up, we’re either going to someone’s house or cooped up indoors, but I wanted to be sure we had a lot more quality time together now, while you’re still 5 or at least a young boy still, before growing up before my eyes.

We sat close to the playground area and I thought it would be you and I hanging out on the lawn area for a bit, while we had something to eat together, but you actually ended up playing with some of the kids in the play area instead.  Image result for smirk emoji

It was all good! I just sat back, watched you interact with the other kids and have a good time!  I chimed in every so often to play with you and the children from time to time, and that was fun too! 

Most of the kids had left after while.  You asked me to sit with you on the blanket and we just chilled together. You on your iPad and me laying down while listening to music off my phone and enjoying every beautiful breeze that passed through.  It was such a peaceful moment with you!

In the future, when you read this, I want you to know how extraordinary it is to have these special moments with you.  It is not always about quantity but the quality and bond that we create with each other that matters most to me.  

I look forward to life growth with you and building a stronger bond each time. 

I Love You Bubby! 

Love Mama

Xoxo

 

 

 

 

Accountability: Who holds you accountable?

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We’ve all heard that if you want to meet your goals or achieve something you really want, you need “accountability.”

Strangely enough, someone from the past and barely knew, has offered to help me!

I am Grateful. 🙂

Monday evening, I went out to dinner with someone who I knew of back in high school, but I never socialized or knew anything about him. His name is Mike. We were never in the same circle of friends.  However, he is close to one of my girlfriends, Marianne. She also went to same high school and they both work in the field of Real Estate. During her 4oth Birthday party last month, he and I met for the first time since school.

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It’s funny how the universe works people in and out of your life.

In conversations with Mike, I got to know who he is.  He is smart and really ambitious when it comes to his success.  Our friend Marianne said that he is one of their biggest realtor in their office and he’s really good at what he does. The way he spoke, I felt how passionate he is about his work, where he is headed and what he wants to achieve. It really inspired me.

I shared with him about my life quest, what I was not sure on what I wanted to do and how I want success too, but I haven’t experience the feeling of “How BAD do I really what it?” sensation. He agreed that I was all over the place. I have so many ideas but not one solid foundation to start with.

We went through all the criteria…

What’s your Why?

What holds you back?

What are you goals?

If it’s not in writing, it doesn’t exist!

I expressed to him, I don’t know how to set goals. I’ve never really had a need to set goals in the past. I’ve pretty much just lived my life by the seat of my pants. Day in. Day out. I had my mom to support me and be my cushion to fall back on. Don’t get me wrong. I worked jobs to make some living and not completely rely on her, but I didn’t push myself harder to achieve more.  Which is why I struggle today.  I had no ambition for anything before. I was very comfortable with life. Till NOW!

By the the end of dinner, it came down to being accountable and having someone to help me with it.  I told him about programs I’ve invested in to help me find my way.

Have you heard of the “Abundance Factor” movie?

Have you heard of Riley Dayne?

Abundance University

If you have AWWWWESOME SAAAAAUCE!  If you haven’t YOU MUST WATCH. If you liked or loved the movie “The Secret”, then you will enjoy this one also.

I bought Riley Dayne’s program “Abundance University” back in February. As I stated in my last post, Owning Your Truth, the procrastinator that I am, I had started the program but then stopped.

Same withB-School by Marie Forley. I bought that one two years ago and I still haven’t worked on the program.

I have great intentions to want to move ahead, I just need that spark to ignite the momentum and consistency behind it.

Mike said he understood my emotional struggles with myself and was very empathetic in what I’m going through. He has faced and still faces at times, the ups and downs and pushing through the barriers that holds us back.

He has offered to be my accountability person.  He is holding me accountable to work on these programs, which I started today, and let him know when I’m done with every module I complete. I must also be accountable on the days when I can not complete tasks and tell him why I couldn’t get it done.

This encounter with Mike, in the most unforeseen moment, has made me an even bigger believer in what you ask from the universe you will receive.

Someone once asked him..

Do you want to be SAFE or GREAT?

He said ever since that question he knew he wanted to be “Great”.  It was a very powerful question. Like him…

I WANT TO BE GREAT!

What do you want to be?

Who holds you accountable?

 

I’d love to hear from you.

Please share.

Xo

Lady G

 

 

 

 

 

Owning Your Truth

Self Sabotage

Here is my vulnerable truth. I’ve been unproductive on this blog. I haven’t done much of my “40 Good Deeds” I announced I would be doing for a year the day of my 40th Birthday.

Brain & Heart Struggle

I am struggling. Struggling with my head, heart, mind, body & soul.

I struggle to stay focused on my  9 – 5 job, to understand the INS and OUTS of becoming an entrepreneur, finding my passion, being alone (no husband or significant other), being a present mom to my son when I’m with him, yearning for financial freedom, and finding inner peace (aka happiness) without all the external material hoopla and people.

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Reading, Reading, Listening, Listening…so many inspirational talks after talks. Investing in self-help programs after another self-help program. Feeling as if I am getting nowhere.  It makes me CRY and my heart ACHES most of the time. They are all so wonderful, yet it all wears me out!!!

Here is my other truth…

I am a “PERFECTIONIST.”

You know the kind that thinks about doing all kinds of ideas, waits for the right moment to work on it, thinks about them…thinks some more, starts them but never follows through…Yep that’s me!

Oh and did I tell you I’m a procrastinator too? It’s exhausting being me sometimes.

The seeker, the perfectionist, & the Lazy Bull.

The seekerThe Perfectionist

 

 

I say “The Lazy Bull” because I am a Taurus and being lazy is one of our negative characteristics.

My home is probably the biggest down fall for being lazy.  I literally get home and I don’t want to do a thing. I know…this is how most people feel when they get home. Right? (Sigh) I just want to sit on the sofa and watch TV.

TV is one of my biggest ADDICTIONS!

Knowing I want to leave my 9-5 job, have quality time with my son, family & friends, have financial stability, live life on my own terms and have inner peace; TV takes over these presence more frequently than not. Ain’t that a bitch!

There are days I make myself sick thinking of how much TV I watch that I fantasize about hitting it with a sledgehammer and completely getting rid of it from my home.  But I can’t & I don’t.

(Funny. I couldn’t find a modern version of this ith a flat TV LOL)

Every few, far and between moments, I get one good day, maybe two in a row, and I become the Nike logo “Just Do It”! I get a sudden burst of energy and I just want to rule. I get shit done!

NO TV.

NO TV

I want more of these days.  I need to take the “Work Smarter, Not harder” phrase and apply it harder on those days to kick-ass.

I just need to figure out what my clear system is to get more momentum. Find what steps or methods that suit me.

Here are few things I know about myself:

  1. I definitely feel that energy pull or vibe in me that knows I am meant for something more.
  2. I know I don’t want to give up today.
  3. There are days I can see my clear vision of where I’m heading.
  4. I’m a visual person. I like to watch and then do.
  5. I like to learn hands on with a one-to-one person or in a small group.
  6. The internet gets my mind all worked up with overwhelmed amounts of information. Therefore, I’ve buying excessively too many programs to find the easiest way to get to where I want to be. However, no such thing. So I understand there is no “easy” way around success. I’ve got to put in the work.
  7. When I feel sluggish, lethargic, no stamina (which is most of the time) it’s hard for me to get going. I’m pretty sure sugar is my enemy. (Need to go “cold turkey” as they say).
  8. I know I need to get over my biggest HUMP about myself to be able to succeed. “Fear”

What is your truth? 

What are your struggles?

 Got smart tips?

If you’re like me, struggling and want to share your truth, please share!

I would love to hear from you.

Thanks.

Xo

Lady G

 

 

 

Good Deed #2 – Father & Daughter Dance

On Saturday, May 20th 2017, I had the privilege of styling my co-worker, Jeannine, daughter’s hair for her father & daughter dance. Her name is Noelle and she goes to the Immaculate Conception School in Yonkers, NY.   Noelle is a beautiful young lady who rarely cares for the everyday hair & makeup extravaganza but that day was a special day for her. She was going to have a date with the only best man she will ever have in her life…HER DAD!

 

 

Noelle loves braids. I did a small dutch braid in front and to the side. Then just added some beautiful curls all over. She seemed pleased and I told them to send me pictures of her in her dress after she got ready. No sooner after they left I received a text message from Jeannine with gratitude. She said that Noelle loved it and spoke about it on the way home.  I was so thrilled to hear that she was happy and that I could create a beautiful hairstyle for her. It put a big smile on my face. 🙂

Beautiful!

“The best thing a dad can give to his daughter is his time. “

I found out that they had a great time! 🙂

Much Love.

Xo.

 

My 40th Birthday. 40 Good Deeds.

A Birthday shout out to all who are turning the “BIG 4-0” this year!!

Live the life that makes you happy and be free!

Turning 40 doesn’t feel or seem as old as I thought it would when I was in my 20s.  Yes I felt pains and aches back when, but  now they are just the same only magnified just a bit louder then they used to be. LOL. I still feel youthful though. I still feel and act like a kid at times too. However, I do feel and see the difference in maturity and awareness than I did my 20s. Leading up to my 40s, life is shifting into a more intentional and purposeful one.

I originally thought about having this big celebratory “Masque” party for my 40th Birthday.  I wanted to party it up and be the center of attention. Who usually doesn’t, right?  However, I was already fabricating in my head, because I am such a procrastinator, everyone rejecting me.  Then my pity party synced in too. I started feeling sorry for myself because I am not in a relationship where I didn’t have to plan my own birthday because my partner would have been doing this for me. On the other hand, if not a partner then a family member or a friend could be thoughtful enough to want to plan something big for me since it is my “4oth Birthday.” Hello! But as I was get trying to figure out what I wanted to do for my BIG 4-0, a party just didn’t sound so interesting anymore.

Tony Robbins states, “Emotion is created by Motion” which means, “the way you move determines the way you feel.” http://bit.ly/2oS2ci9

“The way you feel emotionally affects the way you feel physically. The reverse is true. When you are moved physically, you are moved emotionally, too. How you move affects the way you think, feel, and behave. Movements such as running, clapping or jumping alter your body’s chemistry. Change the way you move, and you will change your feelings.”  NLP – Motivational

I want to feel ALIVE, ENERGETIC, JOYFUL, & PASSIONATE. So I am making my move! One of my goals these days is to live life intentionally. Therefore, I decided to take this milestone birthday and put it into ACTION.  For one whole year, from this birthday, 4/26/17 till next year’s birthday, 4/26/18, I will be doing “40 Good Deeds”.  I will be “Paying it forward”.  Whether it’s small or big, one-on-one, in a group or for humanity I will lend a hand and give back to my community. Along the way, I will be blogging about my journey and share them with you as well.

Jennifer Lopez said in her book True Love, “In your 20s you think you know everything. In your 30’s you find out you know nothing. And in your 40s you realize you’re not perfect and that’s OK.”

Thank you.

Love & Happiness.

Xo


 

 

Hello World!

Trust Your Journey

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are not.”

~Unknown~

 

Do you “Trust Your Journey”?

I have wanted to start a blog for quite some time but I was not sure what to write about.  Last night, while tossing and turning and head spinning, “Trust Your Journey” popped into my head and remembered that I have this cup sitting in my cubicle at work that say’s on one side “Trust Your Journey” and on the other side is says “It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are not.”~Unknown~.

I decided that this would be my first topic to start out on many blog conversations to come.

My mom had bought me this cup a couple years ago in a cute boutique store in Cape May, NJ.  She said this was a perfect cup for me and had to buy it. She’s usually always right! Grrr LOL. I do second guess my abilities a lot. Always have. It is one of my defaults. I try many things in life but never fully engage in its fullest potential because FEAR holds me back. I’ve done this far too long and it is time to stop “HOLDING BACK.”

It is very intimidating to put words out into the world and wonder what people will say.  Everyone is a critic, including myself.  Heck we are all our worst critics’ right? Being our own personal critic seems to be ok at times but never someone else’s. If it is a bad one we automatically become defensive. I took off from work on a Friday recently to spend quality time with my mom and my son in NYC. As I was explaining to her about wanting to live a flexible lifestyle and wanting to learn more about becoming an entrepreneur, my mom said to me “You have to learn to accept criticism good or bad, and not get defensive about it if that’s what you want.” Moreover, for some reason it stuck. So today and every day I welcome criticism with open wholeheartedness.  Good or bad criticism can only help you in your journey.

In a couple of weeks, I will be turning 40 years old. I am not afraid of my age; in fact, I am embracing it!  I think it is awesome when someone asks me how old I am. The reactions I get are priceless! However, I am afraid of not becoming the person I know I can be.  So this will be my turning point in life.  I’ve lived far too many years with just getting by. It has been fun and easy; up to now!

I vow through this blog to “Trust My Journey” with the universe by my side to help me transform into the person I want to be. Confident, Free, Clear & live the Abundant Life.

Thank you.

Stay Tuned for many more post to come.

Love,

Gwendolyne Marie