Owning Your Truth

Self Sabotage

Here is my vulnerable truth. I’ve been unproductive on this blog. I haven’t done much of my “40 Good Deeds” I announced I would be doing for a year the day of my 40th Birthday.

Brain & Heart Struggle

I am struggling. Struggling with my head, heart, mind, body & soul.

I struggle to stay focused on my  9 – 5 job, to understand the INS and OUTS of becoming an entrepreneur, finding my passion, being alone (no husband or significant other), being a present mom to my son when I’m with him, yearning for financial freedom, and finding inner peace (aka happiness) without all the external material hoopla and people.

design-5

Reading, Reading, Listening, Listening…so many inspirational talks after talks. Investing in self-help programs after another self-help program. Feeling as if I am getting nowhere.  It makes me CRY and my heart ACHES most of the time. They are all so wonderful, yet it all wears me out!!!

Here is my other truth…

I am a “PERFECTIONIST.”

You know the kind that thinks about doing all kinds of ideas, waits for the right moment to work on it, thinks about them…thinks some more, starts them but never follows through…Yep that’s me!

Oh and did I tell you I’m a procrastinator too? It’s exhausting being me sometimes.

The seeker, the perfectionist, & the Lazy Bull.

The seekerThe Perfectionist

 

 

I say “The Lazy Bull” because I am a Taurus and being lazy is one of our negative characteristics.

My home is probably the biggest down fall for being lazy.  I literally get home and I don’t want to do a thing. I know…this is how most people feel when they get home. Right? (Sigh) I just want to sit on the sofa and watch TV.

TV is one of my biggest ADDICTIONS!

Knowing I want to leave my 9-5 job, have quality time with my son, family & friends, have financial stability, live life on my own terms and have inner peace; TV takes over these presence more frequently than not. Ain’t that a bitch!

There are days I make myself sick thinking of how much TV I watch that I fantasize about hitting it with a sledgehammer and completely getting rid of it from my home.  But I can’t & I don’t.

(Funny. I couldn’t find a modern version of this ith a flat TV LOL)

Every few, far and between moments, I get one good day, maybe two in a row, and I become the Nike logo “Just Do It”! I get a sudden burst of energy and I just want to rule. I get shit done!

NO TV.

NO TV

I want more of these days.  I need to take the “Work Smarter, Not harder” phrase and apply it harder on those days to kick-ass.

I just need to figure out what my clear system is to get more momentum. Find what steps or methods that suit me.

Here are few things I know about myself:

  1. I definitely feel that energy pull or vibe in me that knows I am meant for something more.
  2. I know I don’t want to give up today.
  3. There are days I can see my clear vision of where I’m heading.
  4. I’m a visual person. I like to watch and then do.
  5. I like to learn hands on with a one-to-one person or in a small group.
  6. The internet gets my mind all worked up with overwhelmed amounts of information. Therefore, I’ve buying excessively too many programs to find the easiest way to get to where I want to be. However, no such thing. So I understand there is no “easy” way around success. I’ve got to put in the work.
  7. When I feel sluggish, lethargic, no stamina (which is most of the time) it’s hard for me to get going. I’m pretty sure sugar is my enemy. (Need to go “cold turkey” as they say).
  8. I know I need to get over my biggest HUMP about myself to be able to succeed. “Fear”

What is your truth? 

What are your struggles?

 Got smart tips?

If you’re like me, struggling and want to share your truth, please share!

I would love to hear from you.

Thanks.

Xo

Lady G

 

 

 

Should I be frighten of Online Dating?

Current situation: Single. I would like to test the waters. Terrified to meet someone online.

 

I would have never imagined myself to be single at 40.  I have always been the relationship type. Now that I’m single, I don’t know how to date. Is there a manual, please, for the emotionally crippled?  Is it a good thing or bad thing to be a relationship type person or should you know how to be the “dating type”?

Before I used to meet someone through school, friends or work. Now, at 40, I have to go online and swipe left if I don’t like them or right if I do.  WTF!  I used to meet someone in person and if there was a spark, we’d flirt, be friends and then POW “RELATIONSHIP.”

If I was single for like a split second, I would be that person who goes along in conversation with the guy who was brave enough to come over and speak to me. Even though I had no intention of going out with them, I would give them my number and then I would ignore their call.  Or when the conversation came to the point where the guy would ask me if he could take me out I’d say “I’m sorry but I have a boyfriend” just so they wouldn’t feel bad and so they’d leave me alone.  It sucks to do, but sometimes for me, turning them down gently that way made me feel better.

I’ve been alone for 8 months now and I’m still not so sure I like it.  After my break up back in October, I set a goal to be free of men for at least 6 months because I was emotionally spent.  First, it was my divorce. Then, my 1+ year relationship breakup.

I struggled with not being with someone for a few months at first. Cried a lot. By the sixth month, it got easier. Still, at the eighth month mark it can still get hard at times to get used to it.  However, I have learned to enjoy the alone moments much more so now than before.  It is nice to come home and not say a word to anyone. When I don’t have my son, Hudson, I have what some women wished they had, even if it’s for a few hours – some alone time! I am grateful and I do appreciate it! 🙂

I have joined two dating websites and they freak me out.  Here are my reasons why.

  • The unfamiliarity of not knowing the person face to face.
  • I don’t want men that I don’t find attractive to keep notifying me.
  • Seeing someone on it I already know. (which I have LOL)
  • Someone I know seeing me on it.
  • It’s just so freaking weird to me currently.

You would think knowing you can now swipe left on the online dating sites, I’d feel less guilty about it. LOL Nope, I don’t. GRRRR I feel every time I do swipe left the guy can see me doing it and I hear them say “Well that’s just rude” or have that sad disappointed look.

Unfortunately, I’ve been doing more left swipes then right ones!!!

Currently, I have been messaging with two guys but one stop writing me.  So I’m just messaging with one.  Still no question of whether we should meet yet.

I’ve been watching Sex & the City reruns again and as much as they are funny as hell, there is some truth to these episodes. When you are single, all the married people are more magnified and in your face about not being in a relationship.  And as you get older it is seems to be much harder to meet someone the old fashion way.  They should create the modern version of the show and called it “Sex & Swipe left or Right City.”

Women in the city must still have a better turn out meeting someone in person as much as online.  Unlike us women in burbs, it is a bit more difficult and have no choice but to find them online.

What is your dating situation like? 

Have you tried online dating?

How has it worked out for you?

I’d like to hear from you. Leave a comment below.

XO

Lady G

 

Good Deed #2 – Father & Daughter Dance

On Saturday, May 20th 2017, I had the privilege of styling my co-worker, Jeannine, daughter’s hair for her father & daughter dance. Her name is Noelle and she goes to the Immaculate Conception School in Yonkers, NY.   Noelle is a beautiful young lady who rarely cares for the everyday hair & makeup extravaganza but that day was a special day for her. She was going to have a date with the only best man she will ever have in her life…HER DAD!

 

 

Noelle loves braids. I did a small dutch braid in front and to the side. Then just added some beautiful curls all over. She seemed pleased and I told them to send me pictures of her in her dress after she got ready. No sooner after they left I received a text message from Jeannine with gratitude. She said that Noelle loved it and spoke about it on the way home.  I was so thrilled to hear that she was happy and that I could create a beautiful hairstyle for her. It put a big smile on my face. 🙂

Beautiful!

“The best thing a dad can give to his daughter is his time. “

I found out that they had a great time! 🙂

Much Love.

Xo.

 

My 40th Birthday. 40 Good Deeds.

A Birthday shout out to all who are turning the “BIG 4-0” this year!!

Live the life that makes you happy and be free!

Turning 40 doesn’t feel or seem as old as I thought it would when I was in my 20s.  Yes I felt pains and aches back when, but  now they are just the same only magnified just a bit louder then they used to be. LOL. I still feel youthful though. I still feel and act like a kid at times too. However, I do feel and see the difference in maturity and awareness than I did my 20s. Leading up to my 40s, life is shifting into a more intentional and purposeful one.

I originally thought about having this big celebratory “Masque” party for my 40th Birthday.  I wanted to party it up and be the center of attention. Who usually doesn’t, right?  However, I was already fabricating in my head, because I am such a procrastinator, everyone rejecting me.  Then my pity party synced in too. I started feeling sorry for myself because I am not in a relationship where I didn’t have to plan my own birthday because my partner would have been doing this for me. On the other hand, if not a partner then a family member or a friend could be thoughtful enough to want to plan something big for me since it is my “4oth Birthday.” Hello! But as I was get trying to figure out what I wanted to do for my BIG 4-0, a party just didn’t sound so interesting anymore.

Tony Robbins states, “Emotion is created by Motion” which means, “the way you move determines the way you feel.” http://bit.ly/2oS2ci9

“The way you feel emotionally affects the way you feel physically. The reverse is true. When you are moved physically, you are moved emotionally, too. How you move affects the way you think, feel, and behave. Movements such as running, clapping or jumping alter your body’s chemistry. Change the way you move, and you will change your feelings.”  NLP – Motivational

I want to feel ALIVE, ENERGETIC, JOYFUL, & PASSIONATE. So I am making my move! One of my goals these days is to live life intentionally. Therefore, I decided to take this milestone birthday and put it into ACTION.  For one whole year, from this birthday, 4/26/17 till next year’s birthday, 4/26/18, I will be doing “40 Good Deeds”.  I will be “Paying it forward”.  Whether it’s small or big, one-on-one, in a group or for humanity I will lend a hand and give back to my community. Along the way, I will be blogging about my journey and share them with you as well.

Jennifer Lopez said in her book True Love, “In your 20s you think you know everything. In your 30’s you find out you know nothing. And in your 40s you realize you’re not perfect and that’s OK.”

Thank you.

Love & Happiness.

Xo


 

 

Hello World!

Trust Your Journey

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are not.”

~Unknown~

 

Do you “Trust Your Journey”?

I have wanted to start a blog for quite some time but I was not sure what to write about.  Last night, while tossing and turning and head spinning, “Trust Your Journey” popped into my head and remembered that I have this cup sitting in my cubicle at work that say’s on one side “Trust Your Journey” and on the other side is says “It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are not.”~Unknown~.

I decided that this would be my first topic to start out on many blog conversations to come.

My mom had bought me this cup a couple years ago in a cute boutique store in Cape May, NJ.  She said this was a perfect cup for me and had to buy it. She’s usually always right! Grrr LOL. I do second guess my abilities a lot. Always have. It is one of my defaults. I try many things in life but never fully engage in its fullest potential because FEAR holds me back. I’ve done this far too long and it is time to stop “HOLDING BACK.”

It is very intimidating to put words out into the world and wonder what people will say.  Everyone is a critic, including myself.  Heck we are all our worst critics’ right? Being our own personal critic seems to be ok at times but never someone else’s. If it is a bad one we automatically become defensive. I took off from work on a Friday recently to spend quality time with my mom and my son in NYC. As I was explaining to her about wanting to live a flexible lifestyle and wanting to learn more about becoming an entrepreneur, my mom said to me “You have to learn to accept criticism good or bad, and not get defensive about it if that’s what you want.” Moreover, for some reason it stuck. So today and every day I welcome criticism with open wholeheartedness.  Good or bad criticism can only help you in your journey.

In a couple of weeks, I will be turning 40 years old. I am not afraid of my age; in fact, I am embracing it!  I think it is awesome when someone asks me how old I am. The reactions I get are priceless! However, I am afraid of not becoming the person I know I can be.  So this will be my turning point in life.  I’ve lived far too many years with just getting by. It has been fun and easy; up to now!

I vow through this blog to “Trust My Journey” with the universe by my side to help me transform into the person I want to be. Confident, Free, Clear & live the Abundant Life.

Thank you.

Stay Tuned for many more post to come.

Love,

Gwendolyne Marie