Here is my vulnerable truth. I’ve been unproductive on this blog. I haven’t done much of my “40 Good Deeds” I announced I would be doing for a year the day of my 40th Birthday.
I am struggling. Struggling with my head, heart, mind, body & soul.
I struggle to stay focused on my 9 – 5 job, to understand the INS and OUTS of becoming an entrepreneur, finding my passion, being alone (no husband or significant other), being a present mom to my son when I’m with him, yearning for financial freedom, and finding inner peace (aka happiness) without all the external material hoopla and people.
Reading, Reading, Listening, Listening…so many inspirational talks after talks. Investing in self-help programs after another self-help program. Feeling as if I am getting nowhere. It makes me CRY and my heart ACHES most of the time. They are all so wonderful, yet it all wears me out!!!
Here is my other truth…
I am a “PERFECTIONIST.”
You know the kind that thinks about doing all kinds of ideas, waits for the right moment to work on it, thinks about them…thinks some more, starts them but never follows through…Yep that’s me!
Oh and did I tell you I’m a procrastinator too? It’s exhausting being me sometimes.
The seeker, the perfectionist, & the Lazy Bull.
I say “The Lazy Bull” because I am a Taurus and being lazy is one of our negative characteristics.
My home is probably the biggest down fall for being lazy. I literally get home and I don’t want to do a thing. I know…this is how most people feel when they get home. Right? (Sigh) I just want to sit on the sofa and watch TV.
TV is one of my biggest ADDICTIONS!
Knowing I want to leave my 9-5 job, have quality time with my son, family & friends, have financial stability, live life on my own terms and have inner peace; TV takes over these presence more frequently than not. Ain’t that a bitch!
There are days I make myself sick thinking of how much TV I watch that I fantasize about hitting it with a sledgehammer and completely getting rid of it from my home. But I can’t & I don’t.
(Funny. I couldn’t find a modern version of this ith a flat TV LOL)
Every few, far and between moments, I get one good day, maybe two in a row, and I become the Nike logo “Just Do It”! I get a sudden burst of energy and I just want to rule. I get shit done!
I want more of these days. I need to take the “Work Smarter, Not harder” phrase and apply it harder on those days to kick-ass.
I just need to figure out what my clear system is to get more momentum. Find what steps or methods that suit me.
Here are few things I know about myself:
- I definitely feel that energy pull or vibe in me that knows I am meant for something more.
- I know I don’t want to give up today.
- There are days I can see my clear vision of where I’m heading.
- I’m a visual person. I like to watch and then do.
- I like to learn hands on with a one-to-one person or in a small group.
- The internet gets my mind all worked up with overwhelmed amounts of information. Therefore, I’ve buying excessively too many programs to find the easiest way to get to where I want to be. However, no such thing. So I understand there is no “easy” way around success. I’ve got to put in the work.
- When I feel sluggish, lethargic, no stamina (which is most of the time) it’s hard for me to get going. I’m pretty sure sugar is my enemy. (Need to go “cold turkey” as they say).
- I know I need to get over my biggest HUMP about myself to be able to succeed. “Fear”
What is your truth?
What are your struggles?
Got smart tips?
If you’re like me, struggling and want to share your truth, please share!
I would love to hear from you.