Owning Your Truth

Self Sabotage

Here is my vulnerable truth. I’ve been unproductive on this blog. I haven’t done much of my “40 Good Deeds” I announced I would be doing for a year the day of my 40th Birthday.

Brain & Heart Struggle

I am struggling. Struggling with my head, heart, mind, body & soul.

I struggle to stay focused on my  9 – 5 job, to understand the INS and OUTS of becoming an entrepreneur, finding my passion, being alone (no husband or significant other), being a present mom to my son when I’m with him, yearning for financial freedom, and finding inner peace (aka happiness) without all the external material hoopla and people.

design-5

Reading, Reading, Listening, Listening…so many inspirational talks after talks. Investing in self-help programs after another self-help program. Feeling as if I am getting nowhere.  It makes me CRY and my heart ACHES most of the time. They are all so wonderful, yet it all wears me out!!!

Here is my other truth…

I am a “PERFECTIONIST.”

You know the kind that thinks about doing all kinds of ideas, waits for the right moment to work on it, thinks about them…thinks some more, starts them but never follows through…Yep that’s me!

Oh and did I tell you I’m a procrastinator too? It’s exhausting being me sometimes.

The seeker, the perfectionist, & the Lazy Bull.

The seekerThe Perfectionist

 

 

I say “The Lazy Bull” because I am a Taurus and being lazy is one of our negative characteristics.

My home is probably the biggest down fall for being lazy.  I literally get home and I don’t want to do a thing. I know…this is how most people feel when they get home. Right? (Sigh) I just want to sit on the sofa and watch TV.

TV is one of my biggest ADDICTIONS!

Knowing I want to leave my 9-5 job, have quality time with my son, family & friends, have financial stability, live life on my own terms and have inner peace; TV takes over these presence more frequently than not. Ain’t that a bitch!

There are days I make myself sick thinking of how much TV I watch that I fantasize about hitting it with a sledgehammer and completely getting rid of it from my home.  But I can’t & I don’t.

(Funny. I couldn’t find a modern version of this ith a flat TV LOL)

Every few, far and between moments, I get one good day, maybe two in a row, and I become the Nike logo “Just Do It”! I get a sudden burst of energy and I just want to rule. I get shit done!

NO TV.

NO TV

I want more of these days.  I need to take the “Work Smarter, Not harder” phrase and apply it harder on those days to kick-ass.

I just need to figure out what my clear system is to get more momentum. Find what steps or methods that suit me.

Here are few things I know about myself:

  1. I definitely feel that energy pull or vibe in me that knows I am meant for something more.
  2. I know I don’t want to give up today.
  3. There are days I can see my clear vision of where I’m heading.
  4. I’m a visual person. I like to watch and then do.
  5. I like to learn hands on with a one-to-one person or in a small group.
  6. The internet gets my mind all worked up with overwhelmed amounts of information. Therefore, I’ve buying excessively too many programs to find the easiest way to get to where I want to be. However, no such thing. So I understand there is no “easy” way around success. I’ve got to put in the work.
  7. When I feel sluggish, lethargic, no stamina (which is most of the time) it’s hard for me to get going. I’m pretty sure sugar is my enemy. (Need to go “cold turkey” as they say).
  8. I know I need to get over my biggest HUMP about myself to be able to succeed. “Fear”

What is your truth? 

What are your struggles?

 Got smart tips?

If you’re like me, struggling and want to share your truth, please share!

I would love to hear from you.

Thanks.

Xo

Lady G

 

 

 

Should I be frighten of Online Dating?

Current situation: Single. I would like to test the waters. Terrified to meet someone online.

 

I would have never imagined myself to be single at 40.  I have always been the relationship type. Now that I’m single, I don’t know how to date. Is there a manual, please, for the emotionally crippled?  Is it a good thing or bad thing to be a relationship type person or should you know how to be the “dating type”?

Before I used to meet someone through school, friends or work. Now, at 40, I have to go online and swipe left if I don’t like them or right if I do.  WTF!  I used to meet someone in person and if there was a spark, we’d flirt, be friends and then POW “RELATIONSHIP.”

If I was single for like a split second, I would be that person who goes along in conversation with the guy who was brave enough to come over and speak to me. Even though I had no intention of going out with them, I would give them my number and then I would ignore their call.  Or when the conversation came to the point where the guy would ask me if he could take me out I’d say “I’m sorry but I have a boyfriend” just so they wouldn’t feel bad and so they’d leave me alone.  It sucks to do, but sometimes for me, turning them down gently that way made me feel better.

I’ve been alone for 8 months now and I’m still not so sure I like it.  After my break up back in October, I set a goal to be free of men for at least 6 months because I was emotionally spent.  First, it was my divorce. Then, my 1+ year relationship breakup.

I struggled with not being with someone for a few months at first. Cried a lot. By the sixth month, it got easier. Still, at the eighth month mark it can still get hard at times to get used to it.  However, I have learned to enjoy the alone moments much more so now than before.  It is nice to come home and not say a word to anyone. When I don’t have my son, Hudson, I have what some women wished they had, even if it’s for a few hours – some alone time! I am grateful and I do appreciate it! 🙂

I have joined two dating websites and they freak me out.  Here are my reasons why.

  • The unfamiliarity of not knowing the person face to face.
  • I don’t want men that I don’t find attractive to keep notifying me.
  • Seeing someone on it I already know. (which I have LOL)
  • Someone I know seeing me on it.
  • It’s just so freaking weird to me currently.

You would think knowing you can now swipe left on the online dating sites, I’d feel less guilty about it. LOL Nope, I don’t. GRRRR I feel every time I do swipe left the guy can see me doing it and I hear them say “Well that’s just rude” or have that sad disappointed look.

Unfortunately, I’ve been doing more left swipes then right ones!!!

Currently, I have been messaging with two guys but one stop writing me.  So I’m just messaging with one.  Still no question of whether we should meet yet.

I’ve been watching Sex & the City reruns again and as much as they are funny as hell, there is some truth to these episodes. When you are single, all the married people are more magnified and in your face about not being in a relationship.  And as you get older it is seems to be much harder to meet someone the old fashion way.  They should create the modern version of the show and called it “Sex & Swipe left or Right City.”

Women in the city must still have a better turn out meeting someone in person as much as online.  Unlike us women in burbs, it is a bit more difficult and have no choice but to find them online.

What is your dating situation like? 

Have you tried online dating?

How has it worked out for you?

I’d like to hear from you. Leave a comment below.

XO

Lady G